I am laying in bed listening to Lana, looking at old pictures and crying. I really screwed up this time didnt I? I do not know how many days, minutes, seconds that I can stand this life.. It has really come to an ending point. a person can only take so much. A 25 year old shouldnt have to go trough all of this. I dont think its fair that we dont get to decide over our own bodies in sweden.
I am Pro Dignitas in Switzerland. They have clearly understanding and compassion for their fellow humans.
Do you think its fair to keep someone in constant physical and mental pain alive? just because you love them or cant handle something as natural as death..
I think its sick that I am alive today, a person with those kinda injuries should not be brought back to life. But ofc I should be grateful for the amazing job the american doctors did, putting me back together. but then it went wrong..
I would have been grateful to still be alive if I was able to LIVE. I am not alive. I look, (and Im good at it) alive sometimes, smiling, but its not real. It hurts and everything reminds me of my life, when I was living my perfectly weird life. but I wasnt done yet.
every second is like a lifetime in darkness and fear.
I went to have lunch or something today at a great place at the beach. It was sunny, but what does it matter.
I need a big change now.