Tuesday, January 20, 2015


where i used to lay and practice my acting lines

lazy beachdays

They will move me to a elderly home in the next week since my time at this particular hospital is over. I dont really care, im glad to get closer to my friends and to get away from here and Ive gotten used to feel like a piece of meat that they just send places whenever they want without me having any power to decide shit.
anyway I have booked a session with a known channeler and healer referred by my friends, Nora Herold;

"In 1997 Nora began working as a channel and a healer full time and loves being able to help others experience the unconditional love that is available to them from their guides. In 2007 she began to access information specific to the integration of the 5th dimensional identity and the re-ascension process and has incorporated that information into her work. Nora offers private sessions, teaches, lectures, is a reiki master, and has clients all over the world. She and her partner Jonathan Wilk, a composer, reiki master, and channel as well, are available for reiki sessions and classes. Nora has appeared in print, on the radio, on TV, and in the DVD series "Illumination Matrix". She channels a multitude of high vibrational beings including The Pleiadian Collective, Yeshua, Calliandra, Enara, The Lyrans/Lemurians, The Faeries, and The Angelics"
 This will give me some clarity and answers to why I am in this situation, maybe because some past and future life happenings. I will know what way to go after this because right now im stuck and completely lost in the dark. It sure will give me the energy/light that I need to cope.
Since everyday I am still getting unbelievable offers that I have been dreaming of, modeling, acting, singing and travel opportunities which is torturing me since If i wasnt in this situation id be living my dream still...
but here I am.

Monday, January 19, 2015


Today life really slapped me in my face. we went to get an x ray of my right hip bone to see what is up, since remember last time I told you that the screws were loose and there was an infection eating up my bone. They showed me the picture and told me that there is nothing to do besides remove all my dead parts as well as the screws that once was holding the hip together and take away more of my bone inside
which would make my right leg 6 cm (2,4inch) shorter than the other one plus I wouldnt have the slightest chance of walking, or well if I did, I would have to get all movement and feeling back before they would even consider to put in a reparation or a fake hip. BUT how would I even stand up if they removed half of my hip!?

They are the ones that fucked up my hip, first day I came to swedens hospital in Helsingborg I got a bedsore and they mistreated my hip which was already almost healed. they also made another healed wound on my heel wide open again.

they didnt give me any rehab and just let me lay in bed for months while thanks to my mom, my bedsore is now on the surface and healed. My mom have to take care of the wounds with homeopathic methods because no hospital Ive been to in sweden have been able to. SHAME ON THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they know what they have done and now they want to cover up their misstakes by removing it!

 This is how my right side of the hip looks, all the bone missing and screws are all in the wrong place


I asked them why they couldnt just fix it instead of just remove it and they said it wasnt neccessarry because they consider me as a lost case anyway that never will walk.
then I said "but if I, (I know you say I never will) but if I do walk again what would happen??"
she said that i could walk but never run or jump.

COME ON!?  see what choices they are giving me? its either to never walk or never get to even try to walk because of a missing hip.

I know that other countries do fake hip replacement often and its nothing impossible.

why do they want to truncate (stympa) a young woman and ruin all her chances of ever getting better again just to not get a bad rep for mistreatment or whatever their retarded reasons are???! its fucking murder I say.

I said no to the operation and now Im so beaten down to the underground wondering what the fuck will happen to me and I dont know how much more of this I can take.

Sunday, January 18, 2015


Went to Stockholm again 2 days ago, 3rd treatment.
Im very down at the moment so I am going to keep quiet here.. just wanted to say hi

Friday, January 9, 2015


I dont know what it is but sometimes I feel so much Love i cant take it, Its too much. Im getting really emotional from just thinking about things friends said and did. I start crying when i think about how much it means when people that matters to me are so nice its unbelievable. I love you all! I really, REALLY LOVE YOU so much it hurts!! am i bipolar? cuz i feel it soo deep.  I mean anyone, a stranger with a nice energy is kind my soul cries from happiness, and when people I love are kind I cant beleive it.

whats happening to me? LOVE OVERDOSE
this is how it feels, almost too much to handle

I just wanna give you all my love, everything i have and I would do anything for you, you all know who you are, id be name dropping but i dont feel its necessary
 my beautiful angels I wish that all your dreams come true and that nothing or no one will ever hurt you <3 tho nothing can hurt you, because my love for you is too strong, your untouchable.


please take a moment and watch/listen to this message. You can learn alot about yourself and your surroundings.
this is why I dont watch the news, I try to stay away from all negative energy

please discuss this with me in the comment field, what did you get from hearing this?, I have questions that I need answer to, Drugs and alcohol are not something that I go without and I wonder why do I still use it even though I know that its feeding of my life energy? I might not love myself, and im just a kid playing around and im unable to make choices at the moment

Ive noticed lately that focusing on love, to give love to other people (its easier than to give to yourself) has shown every sign that im on the right path and moving at a high vibration.

Thursday, January 8, 2015


here, Ill tell you alittle about my new years eve and other stuff, I was having so much fun at my friends place and Kelly was there, havent seen her since i was at the hospital at Cedars all drugged out and all i can remember was that night we watched frozen together haha but she had been there almost everyday just like Matt.
I was first thinking of renting a hotel room and not let anyone in and just drink and be miserable but it turned out so much better haha

and as usual with us, when I saw her it was like we had never left each others side for one minute <3
laughed alot the whole night then in the middle of the night we had some issues with my freedom, i couldnt go where i wanted to bec i cant at the moment. So i felt like a piece of meat that people decide over and carry places I dont want to be.

what did i do when time turned 12,, hmm i was watching the fireworks and wishing, imaging changes in my life and I got a kiss from Kelly :)

look at the left corner.. creepo!


whats with the nose shit lol

side positive note; Yesterday when I woke up i stretched my whole body and i looked down and the legs and feed did so as well. then relaxed and went back down when i did.
so i did a fake stretch to see if they would do it again but no. haha so it was real, my whole body was synchronized and I had a great stretch :)
 I love my legs and feets

BTW: my hair in the pics I just got ordered from Cashmere Hair , Beverly hills.
I am going to get some better pictures of it and well, make a whole post about it cuz its amazing and ill be featured on their site