Tuesday, December 30, 2014

PUT ME OUT

Im sitting here like an idiot crying to this song I posted a while ago but I still love it
and tomorrow is new years, all I want is to be alone but I cant get up the stairs at my moms place and I would feel terribly claustrophobic to not be able to run down and back. to be stuck up there... so i might take just get a hotel room and sleep trough the new year. I dont wanna see anyones face. im so sick of this life theres no words. 
I had a dream about a gorgeous guy that invited me home and he told me that liked me.. I said "but  im handicapped,,? dont you mind? and he hadnt even noticed. (maybe cuz I was walking in the dream lol)

it was a great dream. I miss my life, if I was in LA id have my car and everything and no one of my friends would let me take into a hotel because they would invite me to them.
so here I go again, I hate sweden and I hate the people here and I cant escape.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

THE STRUGGLE IS PART OF THE STORY




 Going to Stockholm tomorrow for another treatment. keep your fingers crossed because Im kinda loosing all hope here... I really dont look forward to this trip again but I need to try everything there is and Im going to make the best out of it, try at least.

I took a look around me yesterday and I realized wtf is this reality that ive accepted?! I have lost myself completely thinking ive got no power over the situation but fuck yes I DO.

then later on I was in my bed, I got told by one of the nurses to try to take off my own pants cuz they were busy or something and right when I got the pants off I fell backwards and my left arm fell to the ground and I could feel my whole body slipping towards the floor (my bed was really high up so It was like I was making a hand stand) and I was so scared that id fall right on top of my head. I screamed for my life for 5 minutes but no one came. then my other arm fell down so i was practically upside down with my legs on the bed and I kept on fucking screaming for like 5 more mins. and then I felt my whole body just slipping down and BAAM!, my already damaged hip and ribs landed on the floor. (Same side as I fell on from the roof)
I lost my breath from the landing and i just laid there until someone came and then the rest of the nurses came in LAUGHING. (!!) then some ugly fuck told me to not roll around like a fool in my bed and fall on the floor. Even though i told her that it was only because the other nurse told me to try to take my own pants off and then she said that I just made that up.

I am chocked at how most of the personal treats me here at Orup hospital and I have no idea what Im still doing here
Im in so much pain mentally and physically and it doesnt get better. I got told this was the best REHAB and now all the sudden they call it a hospital and its nothing like a rehab. they have no ambitions to get people walking.

they call it miracles when people with spinal cord injury starts walking and ITS NO MIRACLE ITS HOW THE BODY WORKS AND ALSO BECAUSE OF PROPER TRAINING AND TREATMENS/SURGERIES.
idiots.

this was another really negative post but I gotta tell u the truth of whats going on and theres no positive way to say it.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

WORSE THAN A BAD DAY


Theres one trip that excites me more than anything on earth and its Death. I have never been scared of death and I cannot understand people that are, for me its just peace at last. I cant wait to meet myself and go away forever.. I just want to rest in love and total bliss
I go to bed wishing and pray to not wake up to see these walls with no soul and look around to find no loved one around, Im now half a person, I feel so much and so strong. It kills me, im being buried alive in my own body.


Friday, December 26, 2014

ROCHIR MEANS HORSE LORD

Who wants to learn to speak Elvish with me? Imma have some lessons in Elvish later so you and your friend can talk in front of everyone while no one understands a single word

anyway I got my hard drive recovered with 77,849 something pictures and videos.. heres a little throwback:









Sunday, December 21, 2014

BOHEMIAN BONES

My Crystals are working magic like dis
for tonight theres new light, new moon and the Solstice 12.30am 

Imagine feeling more love from someone than you have ever known. You’re being loved even more than your mother loved you when you were an infant, more than you were ever loved by your father, your child, or your most intimate lover—anyone. This lover doesn’t need anything from you, isn’t looking for personal gratification, and only wants your complete fulfillment.
You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success— none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.
Imagine that being in this love is like relaxing endlessly into a warm bath that surrounds and supports your every movement, so that every thought and feeling is permeated by it. You feel as though you are dissolving into love.
This love is actually part of you; it is always flowing through you. It’s like the subatomic texture of the universe, the dark matter that connects everything. When you tune in to that flow, you will feel it in your own heart—not your physical heart or your emotional heart, but your spiritual heart, the place you point to in your chest when you say, “I am.”
This is your deeper heart, your intuitive heart. It is the place where the higher mind, pure awareness, the subtler emotions, and your soul identity all come together and you connect to the universe, where presence and love are.
Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It’s not “I love you” for this or that reason, not “I love you if you love me.” It’s love for no reason, love without an object. It’s just sitting in love, a love that incorporates the chair and the room and permeates everything around. The thinking mind is extinguished in love.
If I go into the place in myself that is love and you go into the place in yourself that is love, we are together in love. Then you and I are truly in love, the state of being love. That’s the entrance to Oneness.

amethyst and Lemurian Seed Crystal
green raw emerald, Blue lace agate, raw blue saphire etc..
Rose quarts and Clear quarts



Saturday, December 20, 2014

DROP OUT

Ricky said something to me today that really make sense to me when talking about being re born and come back to this earth:

Ricky: all energy has a guaranteed return policy in which all that is given is received , even in future incarnations.

Me: Omg so in my next life im Gna have a great life since I'm so nice in this one
Ricky: Maybe thus is your last one and your completing all the final requirement of earth school

and YES I believe thats the way it is, Im done with this earth stuff and this period of pain and misery is my last FINAL test and then ill graduate from this school like I did with non of my other damn schools haha. Ive had a beautiful life.. I am gonna keep saying that since I realize it more and more each day. How much fun ive had.. and thats what life is about Having Fun 
so good ur reading my blog now cuz I know ur having FUN since im so damn funny! heres some weird throwback video

 

Thursday, December 18, 2014

GODS GIFT CAME EARLY

it happens to me alot that I totally Forget that have this spinal cord injury for a sec and yesterday I  saw this commercial " WINGS FOR LIFE , WORLD RUN, RUN FOR THOSE WHO CANT!" and I immediately thought to myself "fuck yea Ill run for that cause!!" then I realized im one of those they run for.... LOL
cool tho, may 3. hmm Ill be walking n running by then anyway so I might sign up haha





"Millions of people with spinal cord injuries share a single dream. Through taking part in the Wings for Life World Run you can help us to make this dream a reality. "


btw it really looks like ive had my lips done recently but it was more than a year ago! how could this be? does God just really love me?! like omg! hahahaha

ALL I WANT FOR X MAS;

         Hi everyone, this is just a little reminder., if you feel a little generous this time of the year (plus I had my birthday a few weeks ago ;) that I do still need any help I can get, I am so grateful for everything you have done for me <3 but just as I said a little reminder :) 

If you want to donate to HELP CHLOE WALK press this link http://www.gofundme.com/HelpChloeWalk
MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL 

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

I AM THAT I AM



Last night I was short on my opiate medication so I knew that I was going to wake up at 4-5am with crazy withdrawals so I looked up which stone to sleep with under my pillow to avoid that horrible experience to happen again and I read abt my purple amethyst, one person said NOT to sleep with it since it makes you dream really spaced uncomfortable dreams and FUCK yes it did! It was a real trip of dreams but I didnt have any withdrawals at all!! since its a stone thats perfect for drug and alcohol addiction. very calming.

tonight Ill try rose quarts, they all recommended that one for good sleep n energy

enough abt the stones, I can imagine most of you arent at all into it so Ill just tell you a short upgrade of the last week or so;

* I tried a new acupuncture today, needles in my fingers, tell you more abt it later.
* I was so happy that Anders won Big Brother Sweden, I wanted him to win from the start, or well I hated him at the start but he grew on me later :) congrats to him and Ill miss his laugh cuz it made me laugh haha
* Im trying to breathe love, see love, hear love and speak love. but its difficult as FUCK in this place Im in
* I miss everyone in LA so much, I cant even deal...
*  GOT MY HARD DRIVE BACK WITH ALL MY PICS AND VIDEOS ALL THE WAY BACK TO YEAR 2005 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMG WE HAVE BEEN DYING IN LAUGH FROM ALL THE AWESOME MEMORIES.  I wish I cud show you but its censored VERY censored ..

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

JUST A REGULAR MONDAY IN MY L.A

I just need you to know that we are all very serious with these moves. starring Wilson. the greatest love story of em all. even twilight.



Sunday, December 7, 2014

BIRTHDAYS AND DEATHDAYS

I had my Birthday a few days ago and I spent it in Stockholm doing the laser cell renewal treatment and OMG it was super fucking intense and I fell apart afterwards in my chair, crying in pain, which is a good thing since the nerves are connecting and my whole body and mind was filled with light.
unfortunately I couldnt enjoy any of our staying there except a quick meeting with my cousin in a cafe/bar someything, I have no idea I just got carried up some stairs and I was inside unable to even speak. then I fell into a deep sleep, waking up in winter wonderland haha. snow everywhere on the way back. and it was green and purple lights all over and a view that reminded me of Malibu coast.

me mom and matt are some crazy ass ppl. lol. I had a great celebration with my friends the day before, also that with a lot of laughter.
I think laughing is more healing than anything else, I had a great birthday(s) :)


but
im not feeling very good today or yesterday... to be honest. and Im not at all grateful that I survived. I know I should be grateful for this and fucking that but im not. im sorry

photo: @blackaller


PICCING WEBSITE

Remember when I shared with you the awesome and fun app Piccing? well they have now improved their website piccing.com, making it possible for you to do the same thing that you do on your phone, which is that
  • You can still upload and share images from your mobile, tablet or computer’s library and directly from websites. You’ll just need to drag & drop the new ‘Share it on Piccing’ bookmark to your bookmarks bar.
  • When uploading an image from a website the green plus icon has now been replaced with pink heart icon. Because who doesn’t need a little extra love in their life?
  • You can picc items you love within these images. Once an image has been uploaded to your profile, by clicking on the green ‘picc it’ button you can select up to 5 items you want within an image.
  • You can find similar items and see exactly where to get them. Once you’ve provided a description, suitable category and color of an item —a selection of similar items will be displayed in a pop up menu.
  • You can click through to a direct link to purchase items. Once you’ve selected the item you would like to purchase you’ll be redirected where to buy that item.
NEW-LOOK-Feature 

I think its great to be be able to access all this even when your not on your phone and it makes it easier if your on you laptop to picc and click :D personally I think its easier to do the whole purchasing bit from my computer and to use my phone to browse for looks and items that I love!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

LOOOOOOOOOOOM BANDS, SO MANY LOOM BANDS......!

Yep. Ive finally gone crazy.
I mean craz, crazy! Im making all kinds of different Loom Bands all day long, Ive done almost all kinds there is and a tutorial video, check it out on my youtube account (Chloe Cole)
I suggest you get this LoomBand kit if youre 1. Have a lot of free time 2. are going to tons of festivals or raves 3. loves to create shit made out of rubber bands 4. loves to give it away to all your favorite persons to have something to remember you by

a made a really long hexafish headband, fishtail bracelets and I forgot what the other ones called

A bracelet gone wrong became a ring instead

Have been giving away most of em already otherwise my whole arm wud b covered

Now Im going to meditate at least 20 mins everyday, I read a quote somewhere saying that everyone should do that and if you dont have time for it, then do it an hour each day instead lol