Wednesday, August 12, 2015

HARDCORE HAPPINESS IN LA

Heey people sorry that I havent been active here lately but I have been really busy and a lot of stuff has happened. I am now back in my home Los Angeles again and I cant even describe the feeling I felt when I landed, I mean, I havent been able to even smile for more than a year! I can finally breathe! these first days have been all crazy and exhausting and theres just so much that I need to do..

I met with Debbie and Tahnee yesterday which was amazing I have missed her beyond words and I got a new phone

Will take more pics and start some new projects which im really excited for but first of all Project Chloe!

heres some pics from last few dayz...








Lol my nail :D


ive missed Chipotle

Sunday, July 26, 2015

THE SHADOW IS SIMPLY THE WOUNDED CHILD THAT DID NOT RECEIVE WHAT IT NEEDED

while Im here editing videos I have been drawn to a very interesting subject, it has literally shown up everywhere in the last few weeks.  Im realizing why I am drawn towards the "dark side" Everyone has one.    I see beauty in everything, in light and darkness in evil and in good.

to grow, we must come to terms with the shadow. not deny it, not resisting it because it doesnt matter. the shadow will come back -- stronger this time, because it had to grow stronger to break free of its repression.

As much as I recognize this inside me I realize how much of this has been twisted and processed to brainwash generations with religions. its either the dark side or the good side. they want you to choose.
Although they are not really giving you a choice. if you dont follow their belives then you are basically "worshiping Satan" that is - In most cases I must add.
you could say that there is no right or wrong at the same time there is right and wrong in everything

as long as you do not harm anyone its all good.

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"


Saturday, July 25, 2015

OBLIVION

Hola gorgeous!
I am so happy, nervous, excited a little scared but most of all I feel blessed in a way that is hard to explain
I keep making new videos so make sure to subscribe to my YoutubeChannel 



Ive learned that the key to happiness and success is to not care, to actually give zero fucks about peoples opinions and whatnot. Just fuck it. smile and keep focusing on yourself.
easy to say but thats how I am going to be from now on.




Tuesday, July 14, 2015

PHONE POST



Ha, I just pulled out some of the stitches on my back myself, that they had forgot at the hospital after my surgery..

I've been watching a lot of Russel Brands new 'true news' and I mean I've always loved him and admired him but now I am stunned. I wish that everyone could get on his level. For example a therapist I went to the other day, he laughed out loud in my face when I said that I healing comes from within. He laughed and said "NO, it doesn't Chloe." 

I'm just shocked at his lack of intelligence and depth. Plants are more envolved than him 
So I figured I might as well talk to a palm tree and then maybe I wouldn't leave crying from being also offended. Because the palm tree wouldn't tell me that my feet are crocked. 

Yea He said that too lol. And they are really not at all actually 

Friday, July 10, 2015

WATCH ME

So remember the watch that I won, I kept thinking to myself that I kinda regret choosing that particular one cuz Ive always wanted a rose gold clean looking watch. It fits me better than black and gold
today I got a mail from them sayin that the watch I was gna get was unfortunately out of stock so I could chose anyone else from their website! weird coincidence huh?

check me out power manifesting my rose gold watch that Ive always wanted ;)

Manifestation works only when you first,
set your intentions exactly on what you want
feel like you have it
let it go
receive

there u go! 

and thats how it is with everything I have noticed, the difficult part for me is often the letting go part... and a little the receive part but im working on both..


 Started out the day with a massage and then drove to the beach and I got some sun, I get so restless just layin in the sun tho




Friday, July 3, 2015

URBAN DICTIONARY

DUALITY 
Duality is the opposite of reality... meaning thus that it is the nightmare in wich people live or the dreamland in which people live...

~The word ive been searching for my whole life. its one of my favorite words~



GOOD LUCK SAGITTARIUS

Damn Im lucky! I won this awesome watch on IG, its the 3rd time this year that Ive won stuff there just random!

Thursday, July 2, 2015

TOO MUCH PERFECTION IS A MISSTAKE

Today I smile. I feel so empowered by this thick protecting shield made out of love. whatever happens              in the now is just beautiful.. I know I sound cheesy or like im on that sumthin' sumthin'.. but I am not
I have just found out this power inside me that I have been carrying around all my life but I have been to scared or depressed to use it.
I am on the right path to healing now nothing can stop me.

and thanks for that one who said Im a great actress btw  :) thats all I picked up from that  comment that were supposed to be negative
    getting complimented on my acting skills is really fucking awesome! cuz its just the greatest passion I have always had


For those who didnt know, I am obsessed with this Queen, Brooke Candy and this video I cant stop playing it, so beautiful it hurts. 

 
GAH love this bitch! and grimes , and lana, an.... I'll just make another post on all my inspiration creatures


 

also I finished a drawing I started a while ago, Its a great feeling to fulfill something you started. Like with life,



Monday, June 29, 2015

THE CHLOE & RICKY EPISODES

Some episodes from me and Ricky, theres more episodes to come :D I hope u think they are as funny as I do haha



Sunday, June 28, 2015

HONESTY LAST THE LO.... OR ACTUALLY I DONT GIVE A FUCK :)



okay so get this, wheelchair ppl and few others that ask my why I never post any new pics of myself. Thats total bullshit. I can say that almost every picture where im not standing in is NEW.

wheelchair .. I dont wanna call em people cuz I honestly dont think they are. including me. they shouldnt have to be alive rolling around on this earth as half a person and throw me in the fire and call me satan for saying this but I am not one of those "proud" people that post tons of pics of them in their disgsting wheelchair. and stop asking me to do the same. IT IS GROSS and i STAND FOR THAT. no person should live like a freak and not being able to even use their legs,, among all the other shit that comes with this crap. we should have a choice to live or not.
cuz this is nothing but torture. welll it seems to be a few who likes it and thats good for them but not for the rest of us.
I have a theory, that they probably had a shitty life before and it somehow got better with the injury..

these pictures are not new. they are from last year




Saturday, June 27, 2015

I HATE YOU

 
I am so open and honest I don't have any secrets only kept between me and myself, there's always someone that all secret have been told to as well..
That must be the reason why I felt so goddamn empty. I needed something inside something to protect something pure and untouched. My lack of that drove me to boredom hell where I searched for things to know that others didn't.  Collecting experiences that only I had endured.  Good or bad didnt matter but mostly bad. because the yearning for constant destruction.
 
Is this the road end of my life? Is this where I stop the crazy train. Pull over that car and get of my bicycle and sit in a endless field reflecting, re-thinking re-member and re-living my life in my head. Limbo.
 Like a need to sort out the mess I created Before it can end? Or start over? Or continue? I would wish for continue but there is a key to a door that I still haven't found. A key to the future happenings. 
Where is it ? will I find them? When stop looking? 
Am I just waiting to die


should swallow a bottle of pills like the last commenter said, fucking lying idiot. THE THING IS DOE,,,,,,,, I CANNOT DIE! CUNTFACEFUCKER. but feel free to try n kill me anyone, I rly wouldnt mind leaving this earth, Ive lived my life all the way to the motherfucking end.


DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DYING DYING DYING DYING DYING DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD

true love = suicide?

It has come to that point where I am actually wondering why the fuck im here? I clearly cannot die so whats up with that? Is love suppose to hurt that much that someone actually jumps off a rooftop to end the pain? I loved just a little too much
So no, I cant die. wish I knew that before I put myself in the prison under my own skin and bones.
constantly thinking, living, wishing that I could go back and run up those fire escape stairs and pull me down from the edge
 telling myself that all it would do was to cut of the things that really matters. my freedom. my precious freedom has always been my safetynet

to have the superpower to not be scared of a single thing or being , to run away from all the problems and thoughts. but as much as the drugs made the thoughts stick to my brain they will be my way to freedom again

Anyway whoever made that last comment that I am religious is straight up confused as fuck.. sorry wrong person.
(Says the person whos about to read "walking in faith" that someone here told me to read because this other guy was paralyzed and started walking after reading it. im skipping all the bible crap tho)



Friday, June 26, 2015

FUTURE POST

ive hit rock bottom theres nothing positive to say abt my current situation so im going to write this post like a future dream manifesto;

Hey eveyone I just woke up, its sunny here in LA, Aloe woke me up really early this morning, but thats okay cuz Im going to my morning yoga meditation now and I will walk there... walking is easy now and my body is in better shape than ever!
I have some meetings and a shoot later today, cant wait to finally go to burning man and a trip to Fiji etc.
I am so happy that I was able to endure all of my worst nightmares and SO thankful for all the beautiful people that I met along the way <3 I really couldnt have done it without you and I am BEYOND grateful for getting my legs n body back to normal
There was times where I was living in constant darkness and saw no hope. I can laugh at all that now

thanks for teaching me how to smile again, universe






Saturday, June 20, 2015

ROAD RUNNER

its been a trip. a great one, actually the best one, more, larger, better than I had ever imagined for myself even tho my dreams eventually grew bigger. and they no longer scared me. so I became bored. So bored that I felt the selfish urge to destroy all that I had and all I that I was.
        and hopefully, unconsciously everything and around me.
what was the point of that? is there a meaning to everything? in the end, will we discover that nothing was ever random?

no, this was not meant to be. but who knows what or if anything was?
nothing left but to accept what is. bow,                 
                                                                   and say thanks for the ride.
                I enjoyed every single moment of true Freedom & Love








Saturday, June 13, 2015

VLOG & BLOG

Heads up, my blog is becoming more and more like a vlog, I will still keep my good ol chloe cole blog because I love to post pictures and all that but I got a offer to start a vlog channel too but for now I will post a lot on my regular youtube channel 


-Chloe Cole

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

SOMETHING IN THE WAY..




its like the ego inside have a little folder named NEGATIVITY. Filled with all the negative comments, energies and people just wishing my worst. and I tend to go and open that folder and have a trip down  bad-memory lane at the times that I feel the worst just to feed my negative ego. "youre too skinny" "youre cute but not that cute. so post something else for a change"  "your whole life is a lie"

How come theres so much evil in the world and why am I so open to it?
I think I wish to punish and justify what I did to myself just to collect evidence to why I jumped.

"I am not pretty enough"
"im replaceable"
"I dont matter"
"Im annoying"
"I dont care for anyone but myself"
"all I know is how to numb myself"

these are just some of million thoughts running trough my head. in every millisecond.
been crying for days, years. the tears are just poison from the ego lake that is as big as the universe if I let it be.
I dont like the story that I am in so I chose to leave, this is where im going:





Monday, June 8, 2015

PARADISE LOST

If you think about it, Art and Poetry is everything. 2 huge things that make life worth living.

I advice you to watch "tropico" short musical by Lana Del Rey, these are one of the poems in that one and its just Soo damn beautiful when she speaks it.. makes me teary-eyed
SERIOUSLY watch it!

And so, from being created in his likeness, to being banished for wanting to be too much like him, we were cast out, and the garden of Eden transformed in to the garden of Evil
Los Angeles, The city of Angels, A land of Gods and Monsters, The in-between realm where only the choices made from your free will, will decide your souls final fate
Some poets called it the entrance to the Underworld, but on some summer nights, it could feel like Paradise, Paradise Lost
 Womanhood, and all that is woman - and the man that comes from woman
The womb, the tits, nipples, breast-milk, tears, laughter, weeping, love-looks, love-perturbations and rising
The voice, articulation
Language
Whispering, shouting aloud
Food, drink, pulse, digestion, sweat, sleep
Walking, swimming, poise on the hips
Leaping, reclining, embracing, arm-curving and tightening
The continual changes of the flex of the mouth
And around the eyes
The skin, the sun-burnt shade, freckles, hair
The curious sympathy one feels, when feeling with the hand the naked meat of the body
The circling rivers, the breath, and breathing it in and out
The beauty of the waist, and thence of the hips, and thence downward toward the knees
The thin red jellies within you or within me - the bones and the marrow in the bones
The exquisite realization of health;
O I say, these are not the parts and poems of the Body only, but of the Soul
O I say now these are the Soul!

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked
Dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix
Angel-headed hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night
Who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz
Who bared their brains to Heaven under the El and saw Mohammedan angels staggering on tenement roofs illuminated
Who passed through universities with radiant cool eyes hallucinating Arkansas and Blake-light tragedy among the scholars of war
Who were expelled from the academies for crazy & publishing obscene odes on the windows of the skull
Who cowered in unshaven rooms in underwear, burning their money in wastebaskets and listening to the Terror through the wall
Who got busted in their pubic beards returning through Laredo with a belt of marijuana for New York
Who ate fire in paint hotels or drank turpentine in Paradise Alley, death, or purgatoried their torsos night after night
With dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares

NEVER LET ME GO

Got some questions from people wondering if the pics from my last post really were taken recently or before the fall, even though I said that theyre from 3 days ago and they are. You cant see under the skin how im held together with metal and screws all over etc.

I can now feel most pressure on my feet from the outside, is that normal? pls someone who succeeded to regain feeling and movement again, answer that question lol
also, the feeling is going down on my back, I get feeling lower and lower...

A part from my other exercises I have a -Healing from the inside- schedule containing meditation, laughing, breathing exercises, mirror work, upper body yoga (which I tend to skip since its really difficult), research, updating my social media a lot etc and its all thanks to my amazing coach Nika for helping me build this ❤  




Sunday, June 7, 2015

O I say, these are not the parts and poems of the Body only, but of the Soul

What is a LoOmkini without the bottompart? lol. I made one so Ive got both pieces now and I felt like I wanted to show it off. Im pale as fuck but I aint even mad
My body havent seen sunlight in more than a year so Its understandable I hope
or lets just say, Im pale like on purpose cuz I secretly wanna look like a vampire ;)