Tuesday, March 31, 2015



Made this video today when I realized yesterday how funny it was that Im actually using an eyebrow pencil from Ralphs and 99 cent store makeup stuff. I am not doing my makeup this sloppy usually of course, its just a quick funny run trough, but yeah I am using the weirdest stuff and I need a make-up-update
I have been given 90% of all my makeup lol
I want tips on your favorite products!


So. beautiful.

Saturday, March 28, 2015


I won this hand painted n hand distressed shirt from Kid Richards a few days ago, but I kinda already knew that I would , I had this strong gut feeling you know. Love his photog skills!

I have some other news and things to show you later but I have been sick a few days now.. I am not feeling great.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015


this hang drum is my new obsession, I love the soothing amazing sound it makes. I have never been one liking to play any instrument but id totally buy one of these! They go for as low as 200$ on ebay

♪ Listen ❤

Sunday, March 22, 2015


okay so heres the video I promised but I drifted away a little least to say haha, and yeah it turned out to be 30 minutes! even though I talk with the speed of light lol

Love C

Saturday, March 21, 2015


Hey Ill be doing a video blog where I am answering any question or responding to any opinion that you have and also talk a little about what ever comes to my mind. so feel free now to ask anything

Friday, March 20, 2015


So another newspaper contacted me, Kvallsposten and they wanted to hear my story as well. Theres a couple of stuff that I felt like I missed to say in the last interview so I hope it got said in this one. there will also be a film clip.
I think it went well

I would love if you could comment with some suggestions on what you would like me to write or blog about. I have a functioning camera again so Ill def do some blog videos but I would like to know what you would wanna see

Saturday, March 14, 2015


heres the link to my interview http://www.aftonbladet.se/nyheter/article20455874.ab
Hello everyone, you've found my blog :) I have received so many messages and emails, even letters from people all over that wants to help me and I am so overwhelmed with love and its going to take a while to respond and read it all.
Its making me super emotional and as soon as I read the first sentence in a mail the tears are running and im having trouble reading because of my water filled eyes haha :')

 I am the type of person who feel everything so very deep and lately it has increased, it can be too much to handle sometimes. like I mentioned in a post before its like -Love OD, so many of you touch my heart in a way you probably dont know
but if you read this I hope you understand how much it means when you beautiful strangers are offering to help me and take your time to do so...
We are all one and I realize theres so many who understand this, Ive met too many people that are asleep at hospitals the last year.., and god it made me feel so alone.
but now I know
there is so many people that are awake and Im more than grateful that you have reached out to me

Im sending all the love and light I possibly can to you

♥ ✴♥ ✴

Saturday, March 7, 2015


Can anyone understand the meaning of this text mind-twisting text I wrote down as notes in my phone a couple of days ago?;

Imagine finding my key chain or something like that.
You pick it up and take it home. You have no idea how much I miss it or what it means to me because all you see is the key chain. You dont see my face drenched in tears because I lost, to you, a worthless key chain.
just because you havent seen my ad or tears for the horrific loss of my chain
  it does not exist to you,
Its almost like the love for Wilson in cast away.
Thats how much I miss that, to you meaningless chain.
will it exist once you know my feelings for it, or will you still see just a key chain?

...............when you look at crap in a lost and found box, then literally think outside the box and try to see something else. feel something else.

maybe you will realize something about whatever that you didnt even knew existed


the interview with the newspaper and filming went good. I hope my main message will be clear and that it will lead to something good. if nothing else then at least justice. for all the shit ive got from the swedish hospitals and "rehabs"
heres some bts pics haha

Tuesday, March 3, 2015


Today has been a really bad day... I realized "my reality" again and how much that I have to go trough still.
writing about it makes it easier to see whats wrong and how I can fix it. I can either chose to panic and see everything as impossible or to just know that it will work out somehow. It will be scary and uncomfortable but then also it can be simple and easy, everything will unfold itself.
the worst part that I cant deny is that I DO need help from other people, I am used to not having any need of someone else but myself and now I am not even able to take my own body around.

for example; I used to hate walking on the little asphalted roads around the grass cuz i felt like a sheep just following others footsteps so walked on the grass instead, taking shortcuts, making my own ways. Now im almost forced to go on the roads people have built for us and I hate it.

People are unfortunately almost always huge disappointments and they flake and flake until you are too tired to even care anymore. so who am i supposed to rely on when I cant even rely on my own body anymore..  there really is such a thing as "being too nice" I didnt know until now... people take it as a weakness or they still treat you like the devil. so please someone tell me where does the line go?
There is nothing sure about my future and of course that is scary. but I cant stay where I am, I am not happy here, no help will come from this place.

             Tomorrow will be a better day and I will see things more clear, I have to go up really early because a news reporter with a film and photo team is going to interview me for their magazine and do a short video interview for their webb tv as well
YAY! I have so much to say! finally :D
wearing cashmere hair bev hills


This is the same length and thickness of the extensions
I just want to let you know that Im selling stuff on Cityboard.se and its swedish but I can be contacted here or on mail if some of my international readers are intrested in High Quality Clip in hair extensions, Gamecube games and other stuff. Check it out im shipping worldwide :)
heres my account:


me without extensions, my hair has been growing! but very very slow :/ 

Saturday, February 28, 2015


 I just wanna give u a great tip for you tea drinkers and beauty junkies! (if your not one then you will be after reading this)
never throw away your tea bag after using it. it has to be one of those pure teas with no shit in it, natural ingredients (no0 lipton shiet lol) . Green tea preferably, I use that and peppermint and energy tea. I put them in my cold water with lemon and let it soak in a big pitcher

when ive been drinking all the water I NEVER throw away the bag. I squeeze it and put it on my face for a couple of minutes and I love the feeling afterwards. it takes away acne and tightens the skin immediately and I can imagine it pulls out all the toxins from the skin as well

heres some other great uses for your old tea bags in my opinion:

  • Soothe a Blistering Sunburn 
 Due to its antioxidant activity, the topical application of green or black tea bags may actively fight cancer formation by stopping cellular mutations. find near-instant relief from sunburn by applying brewed tea bags directly onto sunburned skin. Allow the bags to sit on the skin for 15 to 30 minutes. Repeat as necessary.
  • Get Rid of The Redness on Your Eyes
Put a couple of teabags in cold water and let them soak for 2 minutes. Place them onto your eyelids. Let them rest there for a couple of minutes. After you put them away the redness will be gone and your eyes will look fresher and more youthful.
  • Soothe Aching and Bleeding Gums
Aching and bleeding gums can be caused by a host of ailments, ranging from a newly extracted tooth to gum disease. Regardless, find relief by biting down on a brewed green or black tea bag. The antiseptic, anti-inflammatory and antioxidant activities of tea bags streamline the healing process while simultaneously numbing pain and reducing blood loss. Repeat as many times as necessary to provide the relief you’re craving.
  • Freshen Your Clothes And Shoes
Store previously used and dried teabags in the closet in order to make your clothes smell fresher. You can also put one of these bags in each shoe. It will get rid of the unpleasant smell in no time.

Sunday, February 22, 2015


I will now reveal a plan that I have had in my head for a while now, planning and thinking about everything. (Know when reading this,, I have never been more serious about anything, I am honestly doing this). I have always felt drawn to the water and always wanted to live there like a Mermaid and yall know I love Thailand and Bali (maybe somewhere with better and more still water) so here is my plan:

I will be the first (MAYBE THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE BUT I HAVENT SEEN ANYONE.. IF THERE IS SOMEONE ID LIKE TO KNOW WHO SO I CAN GET TIPS) person to live in the water and on the beach! Since my legs are not working as a humans right now like walking and stuff, I know that under water im like everyone else, I can get ahead like a normal person.
I thought I spend my days layin on a rock, or the beach in the sun warming up for the night and swimming around diving and spending most of my time under water. Exploring.

��    If i get cold? honestly will I? but then I will have a little shelter up on the beach that I can crawl up on and sleep in during rainy nights. otherwise ill just sleep wherever i feel comfortable.

��    Food, water? I will have someone that brings me food n coconut water on a regular basis and stuff that I need.

��    I want to be on a quiet lonely beautiful beach with almost no tourists.

��    I will have a mermaid bottom maid for me to keep me warm and swim easier. (that I will put on whenever I feel like it, not always on of course)

��    Hair situation, my hair will be very destroyed from the salt water and constant sun i can imagine but I will have a miracle hair product fix that ;)

 ��    I will have a floating home in the water also, that will be attached to something so it doesnt float away.

��    I will need a strong travel companion man that can carry me to the beach, anyone whos up for that email me. anyone else who wants to come as well

 if theres anything else that someone can think of that Id need feel free to tell me, and admit it, its not impossible living like this :D I just have nothing to loose, only gain. I will have time to find myself and see things that no one else has. I am not someone that will live my life crippled and sitting down looking up on ppl who fulfill their dreams. I will walk. but until then... I cant think of a better life than this:

Saturday, February 21, 2015


I have so many beautiful jewelery pieces that I got from my Debbie, mah Love! and Ive been wanting to show it to you for a while now so its time, heres some of my favorites mixed with other favs

earrings to the right



 and I have so many more i gotta show ya    ☮▲☨∞▲  ➳  ♒ ♕

Monday, February 16, 2015


I want to talk about schools and how fucked up they are. I dropped out in 12th grade thank god because frankly, its just a waste of time and bad programming. Most of the stuff they teach you is shit that you have absolutely no use for in real life anyway. There is always people getting bullied and scarred for life and its not until later in life that the person who was bullied understand what was really going on, like the person who attacked them was actually mentally retarded, ugly, raped or hit daily by parents at home or just having really low self esteem and in need of love.

They dont teach you confidence, to beleive in magic or to question everything they read or hear. they teach you the complete opposite, that everything you read is true and everything the teacher says is true.
They say youre, lazy, unintelligent or bad if you are not doing well on a test or your homework.
They lie to you sayin that you wont go or become anything in life if you fail a test.
You are plain stupid if you dont know what hitlers mom had for breakfast on Sundays or what time the clock was invented..(LOL)
 They distract you everyday with homework, creating anxiety to perform, grading, judging you and leave no time to explore and live life on your own.

School is Prison. The food is horrible and youre locked up getting lectured with strict times you must follow everyday.

                Okay so of course this does not mean all schools and Im mostly referring to the lower grades when you first start and also all the way to 13th grade. Plus im talking about my own experiences.
I was bullied from 2rd something grade up til 5th for being short, shy etc.. I became so affected by the bullying that I stopped talking almost completely in class in front of people (of course I talked to my friends and all that) but I though something was wrong with me so I then got picked on for not talking as well in 5th to 9th grade.
In 10th grade I got my first boyfriend and people were "mean" calling us barbie and ken lol and said "that they got a rash from blonde people" everytime I was near or in the same room as them HAHA
THAT was pure jealousy and guess what.. today they all platina blonde. sigh...

Tho, I do get upset when I think about how many years they ruined for me, treating me like that and making me believe that it was something wrong with me. and the teachers who just stood there watching it all happen.

I hope in the future, schools will be a lot different. teaching English early on in every country on the planet. and ofc other important subjects but also teaching LOVE, spirituality, the meaning of life, how much meaning everyone has and that we are all one.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015


pictures from 2 days ago

I had a hour long talk session with Channeler Nora Herolds ✰✰ yesterday and I found out so much about my previous lifes, it explained alot of decisions that I have been making in my life.. It was all so clear, I totally understand why im in this physical position right now. Wish I could tell you all about it but youre not supposed to share sacred information like that.

it was a much needed talk after a very rough day, since I got to this elderly home the personal has been mixing and changing my pain medication routines which could make anyone go crazy. very emotional and dramatic. ANYWAYS  I highly recommend anyone to do this hour long session with the lovely Nora, it will help you in all ways possible.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015


I have been having some traumatic days behind me and completely unmotivated to blog or een answer emails. I got an offer that made me think that I was going to be saved and everything would b fine but it slipped away. why? Is there nothing good for me anymore? Is it my own fault for expecting the worst? I try not to I really do..

I am going to try Chanting in the next days as well as other methods
I am giving up almost every day , Its difficult to be stable in your mind when your in a physical prison.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015


where i used to lay and practice my acting lines

lazy beachdays

They will move me to a elderly home in the next week since my time at this particular hospital is over. I dont really care, im glad to get closer to my friends and to get away from here and Ive gotten used to feel like a piece of meat that they just send places whenever they want without me having any power to decide shit.
anyway I have booked a session with a known channeler and healer referred by my friends, Nora Herold;

"In 1997 Nora began working as a channel and a healer full time and loves being able to help others experience the unconditional love that is available to them from their guides. In 2007 she began to access information specific to the integration of the 5th dimensional identity and the re-ascension process and has incorporated that information into her work. Nora offers private sessions, teaches, lectures, is a reiki master, and has clients all over the world. She and her partner Jonathan Wilk, a composer, reiki master, and channel as well, are available for reiki sessions and classes. Nora has appeared in print, on the radio, on TV, and in the DVD series "Illumination Matrix". She channels a multitude of high vibrational beings including The Pleiadian Collective, Yeshua, Calliandra, Enara, The Lyrans/Lemurians, The Faeries, and The Angelics"
 This will give me some clarity and answers to why I am in this situation, maybe because some past and future life happenings. I will know what way to go after this because right now im stuck and completely lost in the dark. It sure will give me the energy/light that I need to cope.
Since everyday I am still getting unbelievable offers that I have been dreaming of, modeling, acting, singing and travel opportunities which is torturing me since If i wasnt in this situation id be living my dream still...
but here I am.

Monday, January 19, 2015


Today life really slapped me in my face. we went to get an x ray of my right hip bone to see what is up, since remember last time I told you that the screws were loose and there was an infection eating up my bone. They showed me the picture and told me that there is nothing to do besides remove all my dead parts as well as the screws that once was holding the hip together and take away more of my bone inside
which would make my right leg 6 cm (2,4inch) shorter than the other one plus I wouldnt have the slightest chance of walking, or well if I did, I would have to get all movement and feeling back before they would even consider to put in a reparation or a fake hip. BUT how would I even stand up if they removed half of my hip!?

They are the ones that fucked up my hip, first day I came to swedens hospital in Helsingborg I got a bedsore and they mistreated my hip which was already almost healed. they also made another healed wound on my heel wide open again.

they didnt give me any rehab and just let me lay in bed for months while thanks to my mom, my bedsore is now on the surface and healed. My mom have to take care of the wounds with homeopathic methods because no hospital Ive been to in sweden have been able to. SHAME ON THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they know what they have done and now they want to cover up their misstakes by removing it!

 This is how my right side of the hip looks, all the bone missing and screws are all in the wrong place


I asked them why they couldnt just fix it instead of just remove it and they said it wasnt neccessarry because they consider me as a lost case anyway that never will walk.
then I said "but if I, (I know you say I never will) but if I do walk again what would happen??"
she said that i could walk but never run or jump.

COME ON!?  see what choices they are giving me? its either to never walk or never get to even try to walk because of a missing hip.

I know that other countries do fake hip replacement often and its nothing impossible.

why do they want to truncate (stympa) a young woman and ruin all her chances of ever getting better again just to not get a bad rep for mistreatment or whatever their retarded reasons are???! its fucking murder I say.

I said no to the operation and now Im so beaten down to the underground wondering what the fuck will happen to me and I dont know how much more of this I can take.

Sunday, January 18, 2015


Went to Stockholm again 2 days ago, 3rd treatment.
Im very down at the moment so I am going to keep quiet here.. just wanted to say hi

Friday, January 9, 2015


I dont know what it is but sometimes I feel so much Love i cant take it, Its too much. Im getting really emotional from just thinking about things friends said and did. I start crying when i think about how much it means when people that matters to me are so nice its unbelievable. I love you all! I really, REALLY LOVE YOU so much it hurts!! am i bipolar? cuz i feel it soo deep.  I mean anyone, a stranger with a nice energy is kind my soul cries from happiness, and when people I love are kind I cant beleive it.

whats happening to me? LOVE OVERDOSE
this is how it feels, almost too much to handle

I just wanna give you all my love, everything i have and I would do anything for you, you all know who you are, id be name dropping but i dont feel its necessary
 my beautiful angels I wish that all your dreams come true and that nothing or no one will ever hurt you <3 tho nothing can hurt you, because my love for you is too strong, your untouchable.


please take a moment and watch/listen to this message. You can learn alot about yourself and your surroundings.
this is why I dont watch the news, I try to stay away from all negative energy

please discuss this with me in the comment field, what did you get from hearing this?, I have questions that I need answer to, Drugs and alcohol are not something that I go without and I wonder why do I still use it even though I know that its feeding of my life energy? I might not love myself, and im just a kid playing around and im unable to make choices at the moment

Ive noticed lately that focusing on love, to give love to other people (its easier than to give to yourself) has shown every sign that im on the right path and moving at a high vibration.

Thursday, January 8, 2015


here, Ill tell you alittle about my new years eve and other stuff, I was having so much fun at my friends place and Kelly was there, havent seen her since i was at the hospital at Cedars all drugged out and all i can remember was that night we watched frozen together haha but she had been there almost everyday just like Matt.
I was first thinking of renting a hotel room and not let anyone in and just drink and be miserable but it turned out so much better haha

and as usual with us, when I saw her it was like we had never left each others side for one minute <3
laughed alot the whole night then in the middle of the night we had some issues with my freedom, i couldnt go where i wanted to bec i cant at the moment. So i felt like a piece of meat that people decide over and carry places I dont want to be.

what did i do when time turned 12,, hmm i was watching the fireworks and wishing, imaging changes in my life and I got a kiss from Kelly :)

look at the left corner.. creepo!


whats with the nose shit lol

side positive note; Yesterday when I woke up i stretched my whole body and i looked down and the legs and feed did so as well. then relaxed and went back down when i did.
so i did a fake stretch to see if they would do it again but no. haha so it was real, my whole body was synchronized and I had a great stretch :)
 I love my legs and feets

BTW: my hair in the pics I just got ordered from Cashmere Hair , Beverly hills.
I am going to get some better pictures of it and well, make a whole post about it cuz its amazing and ill be featured on their site