Thursday, October 23, 2014

IT HURTS BUT, I WONT FIGHT YOU..


If you got paralyzed waist down forever, would you kill yourself?
Yes
No
Not sure because I dont know how it feels
Poll Maker

Sunday, October 19, 2014

FORGET ABOUT IT!



what if I told you that being in a wheelchair doesnt automatically make u inspirational, strong or brave? :O

Lol. I keep getting messages from people that say im all those things, strong, brave and inspirational but why? its the first thing that ppl say to each other with the same injury as me.. like robots cuz they feel bad and honestly Im getting sick of hearing it cuz its not true, im not strong! wtf Im here crying all days and all I wanna do is to get high and die.
then I wont accept that im paralyzed. im living in the past and that can only be for a limited amount of time. I realized that a while ago hah
Im brave cuz I keep on living and going trough it all but what else can I do? I dont have much of a choice do I?
Also I dont feel like myself associating with others in the same situation, it makes me uncomfortable and very depressed. I wont accept living less of a life than I used to, why should I settle with this incredible fucked up life that killed all my dreams. Im not human anymore and im not an inspiration for others. Id tell them that it wont get easier and u cant live a normal life ever again. And if you do then you are just settling for less.
might aswell hang urself cuz there will be no more exciting traveling, no running in the sand at a beach in Bali, no climbing a small hill. not even hiking! surfing, fucking in a cheap motel somewhere in vegas, no, cuz u will most likely be alone for the rest of your "life".

           -You ppl with legs still working, you better get up and dance right NOW! and appreciate running errands in the rain while your favorite pair of shoes getting ruined. You better fucking love it.

I wont accept this that has happened to me.
 Im not that kind of person.

Friday, October 17, 2014

UPGRADED LIVING

My gym


Pool area

everyday chill in the sun


My old place was nice I really miss it

BUT
for a while I lived in a real shitty place in West LA, right after I was homeless..
 I cant beleive I used to live like this! *Crack palace*
haha what an upgrade I made tho!  I Love it, Ive had a fucking insane life and I regret nothing!:')
heart shaped My favorite things lol

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

BLACK ABYSS


I have only one month left in this rehab... I have not decided what to do or where to go after but its scary. Im loosing (a lot of) hair because of my bodys reaction to all of this, Im scared everyday from the minute I wake up of the future...
Its scary how my body is changing, people are changing and everything seems dark.. thinking about the past is ripping my heart in pieces. I dunno what to do with myself.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

FIRST THING'S FIRST I'M THE REALEST

 "Yes your 'story' stinko del mucho- what are you trying to pull? Why are you doing this? No-one will believe or respect you ever again. This is a very serious matter- where is your proof? You are a writer you say and actress yes? You are a model? Period"

             "Is there anything about you that is real?"
"Anyone smelling a rat here?"

"You still have not told everyone how this happened? We cannot support you unless you explain this - people will need more info- 13 floors? That is impossible to survive and you have not a scratch? You are a miracle surely???"




WOW! Im chocked by the comments I saw this morning. Apparently 'people' do not believe that I fell 13 stories and survived! Id never in a million years think that would be the thought on anyone's mind!! Probably cuz theyre liars themselves tho..
first of all, why would I lie about something so serious like that? To get attention or to make "a great story" out of it? is that what you think?
How would I then get paralyzed like this? how would I break 38 bones?
U need proof?!

I hate to waste energy on a thing like this that is already sucking the life out of me everyday but I can get the police report and show you proof. Im a miracle survivor yes if u wanna call it that. Its not at all impossible to survive such fall but its rare yes and that I didnt get a single scratch on my head is really a miracle too but it was my left arm that my head landed on and thats why my arm broke totally in several places and got a nerve damage so I couldn't move my hand or fingers.

Anyway, I have several friends that are proof that I fell 13 stories as well.
Im not going to be called a liar and be sitting in a wheelchair like this having to convince people on such serious matter.


 


Monday, October 13, 2014

CHANGED FUND SITE



I decided to move my fund to a new site (Gofundme) HERE 
I still need your help and support to make my only wish, TO in the whole world come true ; WALK AND BE BACK TO NORMAL AGAIN  :'(

Saturday, October 11, 2014

PICCING

Hey yall!
Id like to tell you and tip you about this app that I recently found and I love it! Its called Piccing and its for all girlies who loves fashion, beauty, accessories etc..
With this app you can:
Browse pictures by any category that you feel interested in, Picc the pictures you love, buy items directly from the pictures you love!
It makes your life easy when it comes to shopping. I think its great to have all the things you love collected in one app and being able to find just those items that catches your eye directly online!

Its a simple and amazing app that youll get for free! Download it and see everything it has to offer :)











Friday, October 10, 2014

STYLE KILLER



I dont want this to be a fucking handicap blog, full of miserable texts about how much I hate my life but everyday I realize more n more small stuff that irritates me... I cant wear any pants cuz they crumble up in my ass in the chair and I cannot wear long shirts, jackets or anything too thick. and forget high heels ofc  which I used to live in. I cant take this shit much longer

come on n work legs, work again already!!

at least I can still play with my nails hah

Monday, October 6, 2014

POWER GINGER DRINK




I need you guys to try this drink, it's incredible healthy and it gives you a really awesome kick! It's my fav drink to kick start every morning! All you need is a juice presser tho.. Which you probably don't! Ask your friendly neighbors if not

All you need is:

  • 2oz lemon 
  • 1oz green apple 
  • 1oz ginger
Remember, the more Ginger the better kick. if it burns ur tongue then you know its done right!

Saturday, October 4, 2014

SHOUTOUT TO THE PEOPLE THAT BELEIVE IN ME.




 i LOVE YOU

AMNETHYST!

totally pointless video about my stones LOL,  Im not being totally serious but it looks that way and that to me is hilarious plus im speaking so fast that some words r missing


Tuesday, September 30, 2014

MY FUND



My friends have helped me in starting a fund called "Help Chloe Walk". The following is the link to help donate to my cause. here 

It has taken me some time to finally be able to do this. It is so very difficult in self disclosing my most private experiences, thoughts, and feelings. But here it is... Here is my story. Until about six months ago, I was an active, passionate, vibrant, energetic woman, full of life and so excited about my future and what this beautiful life had to offer. I accidentally fell from atop of a 13 story building in Los Angeles, California. Obviously, I survived this horrific fall. 

Who would have imagined such a miracle? To survive? I'm still in awe. Still in shock. But, with my miracle, came pain. The pain and feeling of constant reoccurring hopelessness and fear of never being able to walk again, of never being able to live a normal life again, of never being the vibrant woman I was, again. Unfortunately, and although it's so difficult to accept, I am paralyzed from the waist down, with a T6 complete spinal cord injury. 

This means I cannot walk. I have lost my inability to go to the bathroom on my own. My reproductive system has been permanently damaged. I am not capable of ever having physical pleasure again. All of my daily routine activities have been compromised. I've been lying in bed the past six months, which have led to even more life threatening medical complications. My skin is breaking down to my bone because of bedsores that are not healing appropriately. I feel so much pain, both physically and mentally. It's so difficult accepting my circumstances. My life is no longer the same.

 I ask myself every day, will it ever be the same?? Why this happened? What have I done? Why me?? The experience is so surreal. I wake up everyday wondering if it is all a nightmare. But it's not. This in fact, is my reality. I broke 38 bones in total and my head was left without a scratch, which makes me believe that there is a reason why I have survived. I mean, what are the odds? There is a reason I am alive today. There is a reason to share my story with all of you. I believe I had to experience this to be able to instill hope in others. Hope that one can still accomplish their dreams if they do whatever it takes to get there. 

 This is why I am kindly asking for your help and support. There is an amazing rehab called Project Walk (http://youtu.be/Pr2728eO_KA) that specializes in working with individuals who have suffered from a spinal cord injury. Project Walk helps individuals in providing them with the most medically advanced approaches and tools in order provide them with the hope and advantage of ever walking again. However, this chance that I could ever have at being able to live a normal life again, is very costly. And this is why I am reaching out to you. Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you.






Monday, September 29, 2014

ANSWER



I was reading your comments this morning when they woke me up at 5.45am and I honestly got really sad.. many of you seem to wonder what happened to me and as it says,,,,,,,,,,,, I fell! yes! fell. and after that I was in a coma for 3 days, I dont remember what happened. The sad thing is that you wont be happy with my answer but what can I do more than this??
You say I wont get any money on the "Help Chloe walk" fund. ok  thats very sweet of you to be honest but im trying to be positive and keep my fucking hope up that Ill ever walk again! You should really re-think your life

 Anyway. on Thursday imma go to a stable and cuddle with the horses and next time Ill get to ride. got me thinking.. maybe I should get a horse, it could be my legs!

Friday, September 26, 2014

MANIFEST


I really want to go to this rehab thing called Project walk, its right outside LA and other places like San fran but id want to be at the one closest to La ofc :) thats my dream now I need to manifest like fuck

PRAY FOR ME. 2 MONTHS LEFT

I told myself imma give this whole thing 6 months. If I dont see any improvements within 2 months Ill give up. So, these 2 months will be all about knowing miracles can happen n knowing in my heart im already walking. Please god, let me walk and have my life back! PRAY WITH ME


MEMORIES

video
I got a question, whats my fav spots in LA and I must say I love all of La and everything around, Palm springs, Malibu, Topanga canyon and yeah just everything. Got so many precious memories !
The one place Im not very fund of is Santa Monica.. I duno what it is, I just dont feel like home there.

So I guess that answers that, its painful going trough all my old photos and videos
I wish I could just turn back time

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

TOO MUCH TO HANDLE

This morning I received a letter with some really bad news that totally killed the last hope I was barely survived on right now, mentally.

My hip is infected and its eating my bones away meaning id need immediate surgery and that would mean that they would remove parts of my skeleton leaving my leg 6 cm ( 2.3inch)  shorter than my left one but it wouldnt matter since my changes of ever walking again is 0%

Everyone who knows me, know that I would never in a million years spend my life in a wheelchair. I wouldnt even call it a life.

i dont have much to say, Im speechless who would have seen tihis coming. how can this now be my fate?

I LOVE everyone that has been there for me everyday and stood by my side no matter what and I cant help but feel a bit selfish when I tell you that I do not want to live like this.. but
Im broken inside and out and Im asking anyone out there for help to end this pain im in.  Please help.








MO' PICASAS

got a whole bunch of these yesterday soo im posting some more eh
 



Just spotted a deer.. n Im hungry!
haha weird leg pose yess